So I feel like this is quite a private blog that I’m writing but sometimes you just need an outlet and this happens to be mine. I have been under immense stress over the past few months for one reason or another and I can sometimes feel myself becoming more and more irrational the more stressed I get.
I spoke to my friend about this and she told me she felt like that sometimes and we got talking about how girls are labelled as psychos if they do anything irrational. I hate those words “crazy” “psycho” and it’s hypocritical because it is exactly what call myself when I have an episode.
For example I was stressing over some personal issues and on top of that I was extremely tired and before I knew what was coming out of my mouth I had argued with Martyn over a sausage roll. (He can vouch for me on that one).
I think what I’m trying to say is, even though I’m not sure anyone even reads this, sometimes you need to get everything thats clogging up your brain and get out any which way you like. It used to be singing for me but that just isn’t cutting it anymore.
And even though I write for a living I still don’t feel like at the end of the day I’m done. I feel like I’ve still got loads to say and I’m absolutely terrible of trying to speak whats going on in my head. Even when I was younger I would write my mum letters on how I was feeling rather than sit down with her. I don’t know why I’m saying when I was younger because even now I pray that she will text me rather than ring when I have an issue.
I’ve always been a worrier and night times are the worst for me. When I was about 5 or 6 my mum bought me some worry dolls. They are tiny little wooden dolls wrapped in cotton no bigger than a match stick, and they originate from Mexico. Legend says that if you whisper your worries to them at night they will take them away while you sleep, and I religiously got them out if I had anything on my mind and do you know what? It always looked brighter in the morning.
I think the thing I’ve learnt over the past week is it is better to tell someone (which ever means necessary) if you are struggling with something because holding inside only creates a mountain out of mole hill. And now I’m 24 years old and I’m so fortunate that I have my very own real life size worry dolls who don’t mind being that ear to hear my worries and help me out with life’s problems and let me wake up in the morning with a clearer head and feeling brighter.