It’s all well and good losing weight on slimming world but when you become that small percentage of people who get to target and then stack it all back on it’s a humiliating and embarrassing experience.
I don’t want to speak for everyone and I’m sure there are a lot of people who just take in their stride when they put weight on but I definitely don’t.
I first joined Slimming World when I was about 11-years-old, back when there were red and green days and I lived on a diet of strawberries, pasta and beans, trying to get rid of the puppy fat. I lost the majority and I was happy. Roll on a few years and I’ve put a bit of weight on. I rejoined slimming world in 2015 and I lost five stone in about four months. It was incredible and I felt great. Everyone complimented me on how good I looked, I would use any excuse to tell people that I USED TO BE CHUBBY, LOOK HOW CHUBBY I WAS, and that small bit of happiness lasted about a year.
I first noticed the weight creeping on at the beginning of 2017, nothing dramatic.
I’d been out for meals a lot with Martyn this week that’s all.
My jeans weren’t too tight I had clearly shrunk them in the dryer.
That top never fitted me properly anyway.
This all came to a head in December 2017.
I got weighed. I was practically my starting weight, pounds away from it and I realised that I was the chubby girl that I laughed at when I lost the weight and it made me completely and utterly miserable.
But I didn’t do anything. I would binge eat to mask my feelings and then starve the next week living on slim fast milkshakes. I wouldn’t lose but I wouldn’t gain either, purely for the simple reason that I think my body got to it’s fullest capacity by then.
If people were losing weight around me, I’d feel extremely jealous and angry and make excuses as to why I’d piled on the pounds. Don’t get me wrong I’ve not had the easiest of times but it is not a good enough reason to put on as much weight as I was doing.
And then I kept waiting and waiting for some reason to start Slimming World again, and now I am on week 4 and I’ve lost one stone, eight pounds and I keep thinking to myself why the hell did not do this sooner.
I’ve completely changed my eating habits and I don’t save syns for night time I have them in meals if I need to but otherwise I opt for free/speed foods only.
I’ve started swimming as well which is a massive boost for me because I’m really shy about my body. I go by myself and I had my first little non-scale-victory when I tried my swimming costume on that I was adamant was going to be too tight and it fit!
I have 11 weeks exactly until I go on holiday but I feel so confident that I will have a ginormous loss before then. If I can lose five stone in four months then I can lose another stone and a half in 11 weeks to get me to three stone in 14 weeks.
Tonight I’m trying open water swimming and I have to wear a wetsuit which I’m really nervous about because I’m scared I won’t be able to rent one in my size but that’s a post for another time I guess (HOW I FORCED MYSELF INTO A RUBBER SUIT). But this is another thing that I’ve done to completely overhaul my unhealthy ways both with food and mentally.
It’s all about forgetting the past, it’s done and concentrating on making yourself content and happy with the life and body you have and doing whatever it takes to get there.