Diary: Ditching the scales

SO I’ve spent two and a half years half heartedly following the slimming world plan. But it’s time now I finally reach my target.
But what is my target? How the hell will I know what 10 stone will look like on me? or 8 stone? I might be happier at 11 stone.  ARGHH.
Made a little decision that from now on I’m not doing it solely based on weight any more.
In fact I’m only going to weigh myself once a month so I don’t get obsessed with numbers.
img_3823I’m going to be basing my entire journey on fitting in this dress that I’ve spent 2 years hoarding. Its not a particularly special dress, its not sparkly or amazing but I’ve never been able to fit in it.
It says its a 14 but I think it must have got muddled up with US sizes and it’s actually a 10 because even at my lowest weight I could not squeeze my arse into this dress!
I’m not going to slimming world classes because (and this is the honest truth) Great British Bake Off has started again on a Tuesday night and well… I like GBBO…
I’ve started eating healthily again, and I dragged Martyn into it as well because he was hoping for ice cream on Saturday, instead he got fruit with a muller light! He then tried to teach me how to use weights for my arms and my 1.5 kg lady weights got too heavy and I bashed myself in the face. Martyn laughed, I cried.
The weight training came about because we got into bed and as he went to set an alarm he noticed the two arm weights on my bed side table.
“Why the hell are these here?”
“I do arm weights before bed…”
“Oh God, Show me…”

*does the arm weights*

“Oh God, stop.”
But I am fully trained now and will have the arms of a goddess not of a 73-year-old who’s only exercise has been dabbing at bingo.
So I’m going to spend 4 weeks sticking to the diet, measuring myself because I find even when I’m not losing weight I can feel the difference in inches lost.
4 weeks means
  • NO CHEAT DAYS
  • WRITING DOWN EVERYTHING I EAT
  • ACTUALLY DOING BODY MAGIC!
  • BEING HONEST WITH MYSELF.
I’ve weighed myself today and I will weigh myself again on Monday, October 2.
I’ve set a lil reminder in my phone and hopefully I will see a big loss in pounds, and also a big loss in inches.
I have measured:
1) Thighs
2) Arms
3) Waist
4) Bust
Ideally I am hoping for about 11 or 12 lb lost but hey ho as long as it goes down I’ll be happy.
I’ll try the dress on too… you never know…
Anyway I’ve gone off the point again, I never shut my mouth. The main point I was trying to make is that numbers on the scales should not determine how happy you are. I’ve had a lovely weekend, felt really confident. Don’t know what I’ve lost, just chose clothes that I liked and felt happy in myself. Something I’ve not felt for a long time.
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Diary: Confidence

img_3418You would not believe the amount of posts that I start writing and then stop because I think that it sounds like mindless waffle.

I’ve always been a bit of a story teller. At a party you would always find a friend saying “Rochelle tell him that story of when we were younger…” and I will tell it and I’ll put my all in to all the details and emphasise moments and people will laugh. And then they’ll say something like “You should be on stage!” And I think to myself I could not think of anything worse.

I absolutely love making people laugh but I have no confidence or self esteem. I’m trying so hard to work on that at the minute but it really is a tough thing to fix. How do you learn confidence when you don’t even like yourself?

I was telling Martyn the other day how I would love to complete a task and think “wow you’ve done a good job there”, but I finish something and even if its done correctly and well I still pick faults at it and tell myself I should have done better.

I live inside my head. I know there will be a lot of people who fully understand this phrase but I’ll spell it out for you if not.

I know exactly how I wish to be perceived, how I want my answers to sound, and what I want other people to say.

I have an exact image of how something should be and if the reality doesn’t quite measure up, I take it personally , get upset and feel disappointed.

AND I’ve always been the sort of person who seeks confirmation that I’ve done something well, I’m unable to make that decision myself. If a few people tell me how great something is I start to believe them but I can’t do it on my own and it is so depressing to be like that.

Everyone has always said to me you shouldn’t care what other people think, but I care (on the inside). I won’t let it show that I care but I will go home and replay peoples opinions in my heads over and over.

I know accepting who you are  and being comfortable in your own skin comes with age and I am only 24 but I wish it would hurry up.

I’m making a conscious effort to stop looking at other people and wishing I was more like them. I’m so guilty of looking other girls and admiring their figure and their confidence and thinking I’m going to be just like them! And then I go home and wear black and change my hair before I leave the house because “maybe it looks tooooo out there.”

Martyn is constantly encouraging me to dress more confidently because I know that he see’s I pick clothes that hide me. I’ve come to terms with the fact I’m never going to be a size 10 model and that’s OK but if someone could send a surge of confidence or some tips on how to dress that would be brilliant because I haven’t got a clue.

I love Hannah Gale’s style and the way she portrays herself and I just wish that I could do that! I need a little surge of cash into my bank account so I can hire myself a stylist who will go shopping with me and buy stuff that fits nicely and makes me feel good.

It annoys me because it hasn’t always been this way. I used to have so much more confidence and dress however I wanted and I really didn’t care but over the years doubts have crept in.

So yeah, I’m going to really try and feel good in what I wear because confidence really does show. I know because the girls I admire the most know what they’ve got and they flaunt it!

Milestones

We put so much pressure on ourselves all the time. We are *this age* so *this* should have happened by now.
We have let it slide that people do not marry and have kids at a young age anymore so why are we still forcing ourselves into uniformed boxes of where we should be.
I’ve spoke in a previous blog about my reverse bucket list and we really should look back see how far we have come sometimes to appreciate we have grown and matured and just because we haven’t hit certain milestones that society forces on us doesn’t mean we haven’t succeeded.
I decided to have a look through some old things and I’ve made a little timeline of what I’ve done and how far I’ve come and I’m proud of myself. So here is a little unorthodox biography of my life.

Saturday, 27 February 1993
I was born. Hurray! Milestone.

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Aww look at my head fluff

Sunday, 27 February 1994
My first birthday, and my Christening. Milestone because your first birthday is important,

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My Christening day

and also because there is a chance I will get into heaven now and not be stuck in Limbo for eternity.

Now forgive me because I’m going to skip a few years and I’m not exactly sure of any more dates specifically.

From the years 1999-2006 I have added some photos to demonstrate some hobbies I took up and “mastered”.

First of all: Crafts
As you can see I have made a mobile. I’m sad to say that my craft making skills started and ended at school. I’ve never been the most creative but hey ho.

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I can only apologise for the dodgy glasses

Next ‘horse riding’. Now as you can see here I am on my ‘horse called Tiny. Screen shot 2017-07-31 at 23.03.24My lessons didn’t last that long because I became far too big for Tiny and I was too scared of the bigger horses.

Then Skiing. I actually really like Skiing, and I was actually OK at it, until I gave myself concussion, threw up in front of the school trip and had my form tutor who was an ex paramedic ask me if I’d had a poo while on the trip in front of all my class mates.Scan 2 What me being regular has to do with concussion I will never know.

In 2009 I left School, and obviously that ended with a prom as they do. I went to that and got so drunk I woke up with my head in a bin but it was a milestone I passed.

I finished college in 2011, and I got into university. I always felt like I’d done really rubbish at college but while routing through my photos I found a letter from my English teacher to my mum saying that I had been nominated for ‘consistent efforts in class and commitment to academic success’. It went on to say that I contributed [sic] “very effectively to class discussion and produced thoughtful, reflective work on the texts studied”.
I don’t remember my mum receiving this but it was nice to read that once my loud mouth opinions were recognised as thoughtful and reflective.

Then after that in 2012 I thought I’d finished with journalism at university altogether, I became a pub landlady. For one month i was the youngest in the country until a girl in the village down who was two months younger than me decided she wanted to do it and stole my title.10514758_268913253293699_7461243962295130752_n But yes, at the age of 19 I ran a pub. Then leased my own. and for a year and a half that as hard slog. I worked with no day off, designing flyers and posting them at silly hours, opening up at dinner and not closing until between 11pm and 3am depending on the day. Waking up at 7am the next morning for beer deliveries. It was hard, it failed, but I did it and its moulded me into the person I am today and I’m glad I took the leap. Milestone.

I worked in office jobs galore during the years of 2013-17. And I spoke to every type of customer imaginable. I spoke to a man who I’m probably still afraid to name who left me a message on a Monday morning calling me a waste of oxygen because a part I ordered for him was incorrect. In another office job I cried every day for two weeks because the work was stressful and I couldn’t cope. I got shouted at, insulted, and I’m pleased I did because all of those office jobs taught me how to communicate on the phone effectively. It helped me with tips and tricks of getting people off the phone, it helped me be a more empathetic person and helped me learn how to manage and deal with my stress more effectively. It was a milestone.

November 2016 I found Martyn. He’s a very happy milestone in my life. Don’t really talk about him much on here but if you want to know a little bit more click hereeee.20527585_715396201978733_1432262455_n

April 24th 2017 I started as a News reporter at Selby Times. I’m still there now and I love it. It was the job I had been after for years and I finally managed to get it. Milestone!

So no I don’t fall into the category that society wants to put me in. I’m 24, in a relationships but I live on my own, I commute to work every day and I have a dog and no children.
Now I’m not saying that one day i wouldn’t like to move in with Martyn, and get married and have children but I want that when we are ready not because society is putting a time limit on things. And as you can see from my timeline I pretty much do what I want when I want anyway, but i can’t see any pubs or any horse riding lessons in the future.

 

Meet Martyn

I talk about my boyfriend a lot in blogs so I thought I would do a mini interview so you could maybe get to know what I have to put up with.

Meet Martyn.

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Age: 28

Occupation: Senior Facilities Manager

What is one word you would use to describe yourself?

Competitive (after being told three times he couldn’t use ‘f***ing awesome’)

What gross/unhygienic things do people do that bothers you?

Not showering everyday, it takes ten minutes to get clean, just get a wash!

Oh and people who don’t wash their hands after going to the toilet.

What habits do you have that annoy other people?

Erm, people say that I’m a wind-up merchant? Will that do?

When you were a kid, what did you want to be?

A Power Ranger.

Self Portrait:

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Ten Things That Make Me Irrationally Angry

I’ve been suffering lately with some anger issues. I spent tonight with my friend ranting and moaning and to be honest I was quite glad she felt the same. Now let me tell you, I do not get mad about rational things, oh no. I get mad at irrational things that should just skim over my head.

So here are ten things that are making me irrationally angry at the moment:

  1. Magpies. I am sick to death of saluting those black and white beaky buggers. I wish they would just find a partner or three so i didn’t have to salute and say “Hi Mr Magpie, How’s the family?” midway through sentences like an absolute looney. In fact I’m not mad at the magpies. I’m mad at whoever it was that told me that stupid rule!
  2. Radio adverts. I don’t know who designs these adverts but I feel like they have a personal vendetta with me. I spend 2 hours a day in the car with the radio and all the stations play the adverts at the same time for starters. and then when i finally give in and listen to the adverts they are the most irritating people or songs. I know I’m not the only person that gets annoyed with this, I spoke to my friend and she confirmed I am not alone in this.
  3. My hair is at the shouldery length that doesn’t stay straight when you straighten it. I straighten it, it looks nice. I move a millimetre its kinked upwards. WHY! Why can’t you just stay where you’re supposed to! I had you cut to keep you in good condition can’t you just pay me a little respect?
  4. Facebook videos. I know i only have myself to blame but why do I go to bed early only to watch forty five videos and then look at the clock and its midnight! Why can’t I stop watching them? And some of them I’ve seen several times and I’m still there watching them and before I know it I’ve liked there pages watching their first video from 2008. and also a side note to Facebook videos, the 30 second advert I have to watch for the 8 second video. Really???
  5. When you only have one item and that person with the trolley load to feed a family of six doesn’t say “Would you like to go in front?” I understand it is not my god given right to go in front of them, I know they were here first but Jesus Christ I just want to get my milk and go home! (I have been told by Martyn that I am being ridiculous about this one. The conversation we had about this lasted the car journey home from the supermarket… where we chose the self serve…cos he didn’t want to wait….)
  6. That person at the petrol station that you are waiting behind. First of all they don’t pay at the pump, (getting a little mad but maybe he doesn’t have his card on him it’s okay Rochelle breathe) but then you spy them through the window buying crisps, and pop, AND A LOAF OF BREAD!! AND A MAGNUM! ARE YOU KIDDING ME MISTER! I WANT MY FUEL! Oh he’s here, wrong person phew.
  7. People who when they are in a queue, scotch up behind me even though i haven’t moved forward yet. You have just earnt yourself a longer wait because I am going to take my sweet ass time now thank you.
  8. This isn’t one that everyone can relate to I understand that but I’m sure there’s some people that can empathise. Number eight for me is people that call me Michelle. Now let me be clear there is nothing wrong with the name Michelle. But it is not my name. My name is ROchelle. And I correct people around 6758 times a week. It drives me insane so if anyone can tell me a way I can say my name differently so people don’t get confused that would be brilliant because I don’t know how I am going to cope.
  9. This happened to me this week and I’ve never been so angry. I got up, I got dressed and when downstairs. I fed Henry and stepped back and stepped in something wet. They were fresh tights. I stepped in egg. Now I have to go ALL the way back upstairs and change them and wash these ones! When did I spill egg!?!
  10. Middle-lane-hoggers. Oh yeah. You know who you are. If I’m catching you up in the slow lane guess what matey? You’re in the wrong effing lane. Move over or speed up. Because now I have to cross two lanes to overtake you and get back in the slow lane. So annoying and i will recite your registration number the whole time. I won’t do anything with it because I will immediately forget it the second I leave the car but be warned! I may one day remember!

That was like therapy! Felt so good getting all that off my chest. Please help me out and let me know that I am not the only one that gets angry over stupid things like this? Leave a comment!

Martyn will start you all off, he gets irrationally angry when I forget what I’m about to say.

RUN ROCHELLE RUUUUNN

This weekend I am running 10K in Yorks Race for Life.

TEN KILOMETERS.
6.2 Miles.
SIX POINT TWO!

Thats a lot of running. Thats six Humber Bridges. I’m 0.4 miles from running the same distance of how high aeroplanes fly! (Standard flights fly at 6.6 miles of altitude)

Okay so I’m going to stop with the dramatics now.

Now I’m going to take you on a little trip down memory lane to year 6 sports day. I was a pretty chubby kid.

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Chubby face at school haha

(I’m a pretty chubby adult but at school it was more noticeable).

And I really struggled with PE but I won one race. I remember my mum clapping and seeing a glint of shock horror in her eyes.
“SHES WON! SHES WON!” I could hear her cry.
Now this was the last activity of the day. It was a race where you had to balance a bean bag on your head and run to the finish line. And my mum had put my hair in a high ponytail that day. A high ponytail that just so happens to be the perfect shape for balancing a bean bag. I won by default because the beanbag did not fall off my head!

Fast forward a couple of years to Year 9 sports day. I had been asked to do a shot put and the relay race. Why? I have no idea. But they put me first in the relay race, purely so they could make up my time. And shot put? Don’t think I even got one metre.

Needless to say I am not the most athletic person but thats why this race means so much to me. I want to show people how much I am willing to put myself out in order to raise money. I have taken a leaf out of Martyns book, who last week threw himself off a 150 ft ledge for a bungee jump to raise money for OddBalls a testicular cancer charity.

The good thing about me running this 10k is that I will get claps all the way round the course (from my thighs!) and I get a cheat meal at the end of it. And of course so far (as of 06-07-17) I have raised £185 for cancer research.

I’m so proud of myself and grateful to everyone that has sponsored me. I promise I will not let you down and I will complete this race even if I do have to walk it/crawl it and it takes me until Christmas!

I am pretty gutted there isn’t some cheat like the bean bag race…

If you would like to sponsor me the link is to the page is HERE…. CLICK ME!

Reverse Bucket List.

I am always trying to aspire to be more than what I am. The problem I seem to have is nothing is ever good enough, I want something, I get it, and then I want more. But I am trying my upmost to feel satisfied with what I have and make sure that I don’t rush and wish my life away. So that was my inspiration for this blog.

This is my reverse bucket list.

I have SOOO much I want to achieve but instead of wanting and hoping and wishing I’m going to take a step back and appreciate what I have already accomplished.

  1. I went to Florida and visited Disney Land. For those of you who have read my blog why you should visit a medium will know that I didn’t stay there for long but the fact is I went and it was as magical and wonderful as you could believe.883085_118021838382842_1884429123_o
  2. I adopted a dog. Well this might be a cheat but my mum and my grandad adopted him for me when I was 7. He was one when we got him and he lived to be 14. He was called Spot and I loved him more than anything. We went everywhere together and he was my best friend for those 13 years.894719_123885607796465_82607139_o
  3. I bagged my dream job. I worked my bum off and pestered and pestered and finally it paid off. I’m now a reporter and currently right at this moment (July 2017) I am taking some exams which will eventually once the course has finished, give me my qualification in Journalism! (if you wanna be a journalist read this!18446653_693246680867164_1644912331334507072_n
  4. Visited Grand Canyon. Well actually I did more than visit it, I got the opportunity to fly over the Grand Canyon, in a helicopter. It was the most amazing experience, made only more memorable by the fact I was extremely hungover and travel sick. Believe it or not a strawberry milkshake before a choppy helicopter ride was not the best of ideas! The pilot played Coldplay:  Speed of sound as we flew over the edge and the ground just disappeared  – truly amazing.Screen Shot 2017-07-05 at 13.09.54
  5. Been to Paris and climbed the Eiffel Tower. I also saw the Eiffel Tower from the Arc de Triomphe on the Champs-Élysées and it was absolutely stunning. Paris is still on my bucket list as I went on a school trip and I’d really love to go there with my boyfriend. I hope he reads this. YOOHOO this is a hint! Haha!eiffel-tower-2112173_1280
  6. Drove down Route 66. I shouldn’t really admit to this because it was not my name on the hire car but my friend who I went with was tired so I took over and it was amazing! Route 66 is different in different towns but the towns I went to the honed in on the whole 50’s Rockabilly, retro America and it was so cool. So glad I’ve had the opportunity!10414644_264478147070543_367585004779612053_n
  7. Visit London! I absolutely love London. And Even though it costs an absolute fortune its a really lovely place and its crammed full of things to do.  And I got to visit ‘The making of Harry Potter’ which was another one on my bucket list.underground
  8. So along with adopting a dog, I got the chance to raise not one puppy but two. My first puppy, Walter, was purchased not long after Spot died. My mum and I just felt the house was not the same without a dog. Walter is a Lhasa Apso cross Bichon Frise. He was a little monster but I love him anyway. I then moved out and my mum and Walter did not want to be parted and I got that sinking ‘house doesn’t feel right’ feeling again. So along came Henry. He’s a Chihuahua cross Yorkshire terrier and he is even more of a little monster. I love them both so much.
  9. Go to a festival. Right ok so the festival was great, I enjoyed the music. I hated the camping. ALL of my belongings were stolen, someone weed in my tent, I had to buy a second hand sleeping bag, I was cold, wet and weeing in a trough. If I ever go to a festival again I will be making sure I am in a caravan that I can lock and feel safe in!272389_10152040208965247_2140864214_o
  10. In Year 8 and 9. (Age 13 and 14) I went Skiing in Aprica in Italy. The first year I just mastered the basics and by the end of my holiday I was getting pretty good at it. The second year I was doing some small jumps and going on the red and black slopes. I then proceeded to kick myself in the face with a ski and gave myself concussion for the remainder of the holiday. I didn’t go back for a third year.solden-114740_1280
  11. Gambled in Las Vegas. Well I won $9 and I bet $1 so I feel I did pretty well! I also visited some of the iconic casinos and watched the Bellagio Fountains. They were playing Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds by the Beatles when I watched them, so amazing!10458116_264780507040307_5221983892478828406_n
  12. Travel First Class on a plane. I’m lucky enough to have a great friend who works for an airline and sometimes if there is room I get to sneak into first class! I have to admit though it is so uncomfortable having someone wait on you hand and foot. I felt as though I didn’t deserve it at all!1907561_229972613854430_1025143678_n
  13. SOPPY ALERT! I put a love lock on a bridge with someone I am truly madly in love with. It’s not so much the putting the lock on the bridge because me and Martyn are fully aware that by now it has probably been snipped off (even though we searched for a good hiding place) but it was making a commitment to one another (even though it was just a silly lock) it meant a lot to us both.martyn Rochelle London

There is still so much that I want to do and achieve but I feel as though I have achieved a lot in my 24 years of life. Its really nice to take a step back and think about all the things you have done because it can be so easy to get caught up in what you want to to do and forget that you have actually already done so much with your life. Keep your eyes peeled I’m sure I will post my bucket list soon haha! Looking back has just made me want to do more!

Make-up Makes me Poor

I read so many different lifestyle blogs and all I do while I’m reading them is feel inadequate.

Especially make-up, hair and beauty blogs. Now don’t get me wrong I love make up tips, hair style advice and I love learning new techniques but I just cannot afford those products!

I work full time, but I live by myself and only have my income which goes on rent, bills and food. The little money I have at the end of the month tends to go in a saving pot for a holiday next year with my boyfriend.

I have been using the same mascara since Christmas. I know thats gross and before you all start with how I’m gonna get an eye infection ra ra ra. It’s not dried up so I’m still using it! I buy foundation from B&M for £3.99 or if I’m feeling flush I will get a Rimmel foundation for £6.99 if its on offer. I have absolutely no idea what that clear serum stuff people apply to there face before make up so I’m currently using a £3 primer I bought from an outlet store.

Anyway the point I’m trying to make is when I go out and do my make up I don’t feel ugly, I feel really nice which means that you don’t need the best of the best to look amazing.

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Make up done with “budget” brands and I felt nice and had great coverage!

The best thing I could suggest investing in is Maybelline Superstar 24H Setting Spray. It costs about a fiver and it really does ensure your make up stays in place all day. The only thing I would suggest is you shake it really well before use because I sprayed it and went out and it had left white powder all over my face! My fault though as it does state on the spray shake very well before use. (Oops!)

Anyway back to the point, don’t be fooled into buying really expensive make up, it might be a good product but make up is not an essential and you can have just as nice make up without making yourself poor for the rest of the month.

Tail between my legs, sorry Slimming World

Today I am restarting my slimming world journey. I cannot recommend Slimming World enough it’s just that I sadly thought I had beaten the diet and didn’t need one anymore but unfortunately I don’t have the metabolism or active lifestyle where I can eat whatever I want.

Now I am not blaming Martyn one little bit but since I have been with him I have put on a stone and a half. We have been eating out, going on days out where there has only been fast food and generally just enjoying ourselves.

A few weeks ago he started back on his diet and started going to the gym more and now it is time I do the same.

So here are my starting photos.

They are a hell of a lot better than my starting photos back in 2015 when I was at my heaviest but I still need to get at least two stone off so I feel comfortable.

July 2015 I was at my heaviest

I have a few milestones that I want to hit for certain times.

For example it’s Martyn’s sisters engagement party in three and a bit weeks and I’d like to be half a stone down for that! And then another half a stone down for the end of august. Then I will only have another stone to go. The problem with me is that I never hit my target weight at slimming world but I’m really hoping this time I can reach my target weight and stay there!

I’m also going back to my old ways and making a milestone reward chart! I love this because it really gives me something to aim for.

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Milestone reward chart!

I’m so insecure and the problem is I am the only one who can do something about it. Anyone who has ever struggled with their weight knows that the worse part is finding the motivation to just make that first step, and then kept it.

I have kicked the smoking habit, and now I need to kick the bad eating habit because I am so so close to being the person I want to be.

My mum is always so supportive and makes me feel like I can do anything I put my mind too and Martyn reminds me constantly that what I see in the mirror is not what he sees, but I know that I need to do something to make me feel better about myself.

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My rocks

So today is the day no more excuses! I have made a slimming world quiche which is so so tasty, cannot believe I forgot about them.

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4 eggs

Half a tub of fat free cottage cheese

Half a tub of Quark

and whatever filling you want

Mix everything up, spray fry light in the dish and bang in the oven for 20 minutes. Voila!

Well thats it for tonight but I’m going to try and post updates regularly and maybe a few different recipe ideas I’m trying! Always new stuff going on at slimming world! Heres hoping this time next yearI will actually be a target member and look and feel a lot better.

 

 

Why You Should Visit a Medium

image1I went to see a medium last week and it was exactly as I had hoped it would be.

Now if you don’t believe in this sort of thing you can probably stop reading now because it doesn’t matter what I say you aren’t going to believe it! It really is a personal experience that I recommend everyone do at least once.

I wasn’t fully a believer and I needed to know that what she was saying was real so I never gave her any information about me so she couldn’t Facebook me or google me or find out anything about me.

I walked in and immediately felt calm and comforted. The room was decorated in purple with a thick cream pile carpet and a sofa with fur throws. I sat with the lady who was going to do my reading and she asked if I had brought an object of significance with me. I was mad because I really wanted to take in my Grandads hankie but I couldn’t find it in the morning so instead I took in his Nokia 3310 which still had his voice mail on.

She sat with the mobile in her hand for a little while and eventually looked me in the eye and said “63 is no age to die” For her to get something so right spooked me but also validated that my Grandad was still around me.

My Grandad and I were very close. My first memory is running up his drive to see him, and then washing his car on Saturday afternoon. He came to live with my mum and I and he really was my best friend. He was exactly what you would hope a Grandad would be. He loved carpentry and had a workshop and would make me whatever I wanted. He built me and my cousin dolls houses, and would build little ramps for me to ride my bike down. He wasn’t a great cook, so when my mum was at work he would cook beans on toast in his special way (two round of toast, one piece cut into triangles that went on the side of the plat and the other cut into tiny squares and the beans poured on top).

She went on to say lots more things that confirmed she was not making this up. She told me that my grandad was with his mum and gave me the name Mona which was his mum’s name. Also told me he was with a fluffy dog who had passed. My dog spot had passed away and he never really got over the death of my Grandad. My mum and I went on holiday with my mum’s partner and his kids to Florida when I was 12. We said goodbye to my Grandad at about 3am and headed to Manchester airport for the holiday of a lifetime but on the third day of our break my Grandad died. 63 years old and no explanation as to why. His heart just stopped beating.I can tell you that somedays I still feel as sad as the day I found out. I truly miss him every day.

So that’s why I wanted to visit a medium. She told me that my Grandad was proud of my new career and with that I started crying. All I ever wanted was to make him proud and for her to say that, it made me feel like I had achieved every goal I’d ever set out to do. She told me things that brought back memories like drinking pretend gin and tonic with him, and reading books with him.

Once she had told me everything she could about my Grandad she started talking about me. About my decisions, my future and things that I should watch out for and be careful of. The first of those things is she said I was in a new relationship and that I have to accept the love that he gives me (much to my boyfriends amusement) and that he is a good man. (I happen to agree with her.)19424344_697738380411182_7573777897037306074_n

She also told me I need to learn to say no more which is definitely a trait I feel that I am lacking, and told me that I need to tell my mum to “plant the rose bush again”. Well I told my mum and this weekend she has been planting rose bushes next to my Grandads tribute just in case!

So yeah, I think that some people do have a gift and even if she was bluffing it was really nice to hear. And sometimes you just need a little reassurance that you are on the right path and you are making someone proud.